Grief Comes In Waves
Grief is hard. There’s no neat or predictable way it shows up, and that’s often the most challenging part. We expect grief to feel heavy after a loss—and it does—but what we don’t always expect is how it sneaks up on us in the middle of ordinary moments.
You might be doing something simple—driving to work, folding laundry, standing in line at a coffee shop—and suddenly a wave hits. A song, a smell, a random memory. Your chest tightens. Your eyes well up. And you’re left wondering, Why now?
That’s the thing about grief. It doesn’t follow a timeline. It doesn’t wait until you’re “ready.” It comes in unexpected moments, long after others assume you should be fine. And that can feel confusing, frustrating, and even isolating.
Many people tell themselves they should be "over it" by now. But grief isn’t something we get over—it’s something we learn to live with. It changes shape over time. Some days it’s quiet and manageable. Other days it feels just as raw as it did in the beginning.
If you’re navigating grief, here are a few gentle ways to cope:
Allow the feelings—without judgment.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, even moments of joy—all of it can coexist. Letting yourself feel what comes up, instead of pushing it away, can actually make the process less overwhelming.
Name it when it shows up.
Sometimes simply saying to yourself, “This is grief,” can be grounding. It reminds you that what you’re feeling makes sense, even if the moment feels unexpected.
Create small rituals of remembrance.
This could be lighting a candle, journaling, taking a quiet walk, or doing something your loved one enjoyed. These rituals give grief a place to land, rather than letting it spill out everywhere.
Lean on safe people.
You don’t need a large support system—just a few people who can sit with you without trying to fix the pain. Sometimes being witnessed is more healing than receiving advice.
Be patient with yourself.
Grief doesn’t move in a straight line. Progress isn’t measured by how little you feel, but by how gently you treat yourself along the way.
If you’re grieving, know this: you’re not weak for struggling, and you’re not failing because it still hurts. Grief is a reflection of love, connection, and meaning. And while it may catch you off guard at times, with support and compassion, you can learn to carry it—one moment at a time.
~Nalini Channapatna Prasanna, LCSW
Therapist in Reno, NV
